i like this!
This is a piece of work i found on my hard drive which i turned into my school as a project for GCSE English a few years ago, i think i was around 15 when i wrote this.
Just gave it a little read, and i found it quite enjoyable apart from the rushed ending so i thought i would share
I completely made up the rankings and stuff, so excuse me if i use incorrect ranks lol.
And oh god, don't comment on the Sniper Pistol xD
Commendation Of Bravery
Major Swift forced the last puff out of his cigarette reluctantly, then strode to the edge of the rooftop and let it drop over the ledge of the seven story building. Immediately whipped up and rushed away out of sight by the fury of the unyielding and tenacious wind. He turned to face his two comrades, Lieutenant Peters, an old trusted friend of Major Swift, who when working with Swift achieved some of the highest mission success rates in the SAS. Lt Peters was a middle aged man in his mid-fourtys, like Swift, Peters had a serious face, and a no-nonsense approach to most aspects of his life, his eyes were a weary dark brown, he had bags under his eyes, possibly due to the un-ending nights the squad had spent working on gathering intel for their mission, or possibly to do with the bizarre amounts of cigarettes he had consumed over the duration of the mission. His hair was almost a dark grey, any black hairs left were fighting a loosing battle to the symptoms of ageing. He had left his hair to grow out untidly the past few months, which explained as to why he was forced to keep pushing loose strands of it out of the way of his eyes, so he could take clear, unhindered aim down the barrel of his 44. Cal-Henderson’s Sniper rifle he had been equipped with on every mission for the past 17 years.
He was a Sniper, and possibly one of the best in the business. He rarely ever missed a shot, and if he did, he would certainly make up for it. This was why Major Swift chose this man to be his partner, he had saved his life countless times, and Swift hoped he would continue to do so. The third member of the squad was a new recruit, a young girl in her early twenties, Second Lieutenant Richards but her two seniors preferred to call her by her first name, Amelia. She was a good looking girl, and her co-workers had no problem with reminding her of that, but equally, she enjoyed to tease and flirt with them and pit them against each other in amusing competitions of who could impress her with their dark sense of humour and crude jokes. She had short blonde hair cut low in a bob style, her fierce green eyes, gave her a very unique face. She was an extremely clever individual and she excelled in quick and spontaneous thinking which worked to her advantage in the battlefield. This had seen her put into squads for her unique ability to envision plans under the greatest amounts of pressure.
Major Swift was the leader of the cell, and the commanding member of the mission, he always had the last word, and his comrades never would dispute anything that was said by him. He was an experienced member of the SAS and had a reputation for flourishing from the young and keen child prodigy into one of the most well respected agents in the business, he had just turned 37 but managed to keep in great shape despite his age.
He had short, jet black hair that was gelled up in various styles often seen worn by Japanese Manga comic characters that he so greatly loved as a child. His deep blue eyes, so greatly loved by women made him a great candidate for a night out in the town when on breaks from the services. Major Swift’s name was John, his speciality was to have everything as a speciality, he was a jack of all trades. He could serve in many different roles in missions , which accounted for the large number of missions he was sent on.
The Trio stood on the flat roof of a company named “Lesquake” That claimed to be working towards securing the safety and well-being of children who were orphans of war, or other similar situations. Quite the contrary SAS intelligence had recently discovered that the children which were being adopted and looked after by this company were being turned into 21st century slaves. They were forced to work endless days and nights in the company’s farms, fields and factory’s making products, which in turn sold as “Fair-traded” to maximise Lesquake’s profit. The children were kept under extremely poor conditions, in cells of barbed wire, with 3 children ranging from the ages of 1 to 13 being locked in a small cell of three cubic meters, well below the national standards of health and safety. They would receive one meal a day and were only allowed to wash once every two weeks to save resources, when allowed to, the children would wash in large chambers, all together to conserve even more resources. During the day the children would be ushered into trucks and taken to the place they would be forced to work for the day, and at night the remaining children would be brought back, and locked back up under high security with armed guards patrolling the whole perimeter of the company building to ensure nobody could escape and let out Lesquake’s secret. Lesquake were completely violating human rights, and after refusing to cooperate with a negotiator from the SAS, it was assigned to Major Swift’s Cell to bust in. Free the children, bring them back to headquarters to allow the police to storm the building without out fear of hostages or any deaths of the children, was the description of the mission.
The three agents were huddled together hovering over one of Amelia’s intricate and detailed sketches of the company building, Labelling their current point, and planning out their next few moves. They allowed themselves another 5 seconds of studying the map before Major Swift Stood up, picked up the map and rolled it up, sliding it into his gun holster. They walked over to the steam vent together, and formed a triangle around it, making sure to be as spaced out as possible. Lt Peters placed two small explosive putty charges on weakness in the vent that Amelia had picked using her knife earlier. The team stepped back, they gave each other a quick glance to make sure they were all ready to make an entry, and then Peters set of the charge…3..2..1.
A very muffled sound was heard as it blew the vent of its hinges, and a large cloud of smoke rose up in the air. Swift lowered a wired camera down into the top floor room, and slowly spun it around, getting every angle of the room, while Amelia watched the image on her small all in one pocket sized computer supplied to her by the SAS for missions.
After she was certain that the coast was clear, and no guards had been alerted, she gave Swift the all clear. He stood up, and lifted the vent out of the building, placing it to the side, as Lt Peters lowered a very sturdy looking black rope into the room, he was the first to slide down, taking extra attention on landing, to slow himself down and roll to make sure there was no sound made by his entrance. Next Amelia slid down, and finally, Swift threw down all three of their backpacks and shifted his weight over the edge of the open steam vent shaft, making sure to hang onto the rope so he could pull the cover of the shaft over him as he slid down.
Once the trio were all in the room, they all immediately sprung into action, following Amelia’s plan they had previously set up. Lt Peters Sprinted to the door of the room, quietly closing the door and securing a explosive. Motion sensitive , ready to blow apart anybody who tried to enter the room before they removed it. Amelia took Peter’s 44Cal Henderson Sniper Rifle Out of His Bag, carefully dismantling it and fitting the barrel chamber and aim sight onto a Pistol which had been previously taken apart and stored in the bag, essentially making it a hugely accurate pistol with the damage capability of a top-range sniper rifle. Major Swift walked to all four corners of the room and planted Radio-Wave transmitters on the top and bottom of the corners the walls. This would create an outline image of everything in the building that was below the room on Swifts Pocket Computer, it would achieve this by the radio waves constantly being transmitted downwards, so anything they touched, and travelled through would be immediately picked up and sketched on the computer. which would create a rough three dimensional outline of everything they go through on the computer PDA screen.
Lt Peters Pulled Out Two 8mm Glock from his rucksack, and threw them both towards Amelia, Amelia responding by Throwing Peters Fully assembled Pistol with a monstrous amount of power to him. Amelia caught her Glock’s one in each hand, and Peters Caught his High Calibre Pistol, they both cocked back their weapons and stood up, looking towards Swift for the signal. Swift stood up, with his PDA Laptop in one hand , plotted out points onto a small map sketched by Amelia earlier for their next movements, and showing where the guards where stationed. He then scrunched up the map and stuffed into it his pocket and grabbed his bag, unzipping it in the process removing a large, strap mounted assault rifle, with a crosshair aim sight, placed along the side of the nozzle. He slung the bag back over his shoulder and pulled the strap of the assault rifle over his neck, Lifting the Gun out of one hand, pointing forward with his free hand, to notify his squad that they were about to begin. Peters walked to the back of the room, and pushed over one of the tables, laying down a sniper stand behind the tables cover, placed his Sniping Pistol Onto the stand lying on his stomach, aiming down the sight at the door. Major Swift went to the door armed with explosives, and pushed himself against the wall next to the door, a safe distance away from any possible explostion but out of sign of anyone who happened to walk into the door, immediately in range of Swift. Last Amelia walked to the door, and counted ten paces, directly away from it, in the opposite direction, and sat on the floor, huddled up in a ball. A quick glance at her, and she would of looked liked a very frightened small child taking cover, she put her head up to receive the nod from Major Swift, and when it came. She counted 3..2..1 and let out a extremely loud high pitched scream of terror and curled back up in her position.
Immediately Footsteps could be heard from the level below rushing up the stairs toward the room that screams could be heard from, the trio silently waited as the footsteps came closer towards the door. Finally they could hear people gathering up outside, and heard the doorknob begin to twist. the door jerked forward open, triggering the explosive planted on it previously, four people who had crowded together at the door were instantly killed by the explosion. Two people who had seen what had happened, nervously strode through the doorway, immediately met by Major Swifts Elbow to the face, and the muffled sound of his silenced rifle making short work of their light body armour from point blank range.
Swift peered around the door way to check nobody else was coming and nodded at the rest of the team. Amelia let out another bellowing scream, crying “help!” as loud as she could, while Swift got back into position, more footsteps could be heard thundering towards the room, as the first one entered and saw Amelia curled up on the floor, thinking she was a small child, rushed forward eagerly in an attempt to pick her up and drag her back to her cell. he strode right past Swift , who stayed undetected , pressed against the wall, the man walked towards Amelia, as more guards crowded at the doorway, noticing the dead bodys, “Wait Michael…!” But their warning was too late, the intruding man was met by the sickening crack of Lt Peters Sniper bullet entering his skull. He dropped to his knees in front of Amelia, and she sprung up, rolling forward towards the door, revealing the two glock’s, one in each hand as she rose into a crouching position from the roll, aiming towards the door, numerous streaks of light , lit up the room as the glock’s simultaneously emptied a clip of bullets on the unaware guards in the doorway.
As soon as the fire had ceased, Major Swift peered over the edge of the doorway to double that no guards remained, and gave the command to move on. The team quickly picked up their things, and moved on down the hallway, once they reached the end of the hallway, they were met with a large flight of stairs, and they heard guards running up the flight of stairs towards them. Major Swift, Unhooked a Grenade from his belt, and dropped it down the side, over the staircase handle, as it accelerated down the stairway, Lt Peters Switched places with Swift, and double checked where the guards where, before taking careful aim and shooting the grenade in mid air. Blowing up right on level with the guards running up towards them, there was a large explosion, and a huge wave of heat hit the trio as the continued on down the stairs to the lower floor down to the level where the children where being held captive.
Amelia was the first to lead the team down the hallway quickly, as she moved further down passing doors, she kept taking quick glances at Major Swift’s map. She came to a halt and indicated towards a closed door. Swift stepped forward, grabbing a hold of the door handle, and looking at Lt Peters to signal that he wanted him to handle any hostile enemies once the door had been opened. Peters gave him a nod to show he understood. With that, Swift Pushed the door open, and rolled forward into cover immediately into a pillar that he had spotted once the door was open, Lt Peters took two shots, a second apart from each other once the door was open, and two targets fell to the ground a second apart from each other. Amelia then moved forwards through the door, beckoning for peters to follow, Once all three where in the room, Major Swift checked his PDA double checking that their where no guards within a few minutes from them.
“There is a couple on the ground floor, but they seem to not be aware of all the commotion as of yet, lets get this done..”
Amelia went through and extremely carefully lasered through the locks of each of the cages of children, setting the free. Lt Peters smashed open the largest window he could find that would be able to fit someone’s body through it. Once he had done this, he put down his rucksack, and withdrew a harpoon looking devise, and shot it at the ceiling. A very thick black rope shot out , connecting the gun , to the ceiling, finally Peters took aim with the harpoon out of the window, to the ground floor, a couple of blocks away from the current building they where in, and shot.
The rope now connected the ceiling, to the ground, a few blocks away from Lesquake.
Immediately Major Swift begun ushering the children towards the window, where the rope was connected, and instructing them to grab on, and not let go until they reached a safe jumping distance to release themselves.
The Children escaped one by one, and once the trio had reached headquarters, a few miles away. They were met but nothing but praise and a large round of applause by the whole S.A.S Organisation, Major Swift had pulled off his 150th Successful Mission, and as a final retirement present. he was awarded the Victory Cross, a token that someone can keep with them for their whole life, knowing that they have been heroes, and impacted many peoples life’s, directly…A Commendation of Bravery.
i like this!
tl ; dr
but skimming through it looks good
If it's too long, leave the section, now.
Good stuff Faris!
Good way to make my study time go faster. Good job!
It’s really cool. I'll give it a rating of 9/10. There are minor capitalization mistakes, like "Lt Peters Pulled Out Two 8mm Glock"
No one who likes manga will never grow up as cool as your character..He had short, jet black hair that was gelled up in various styles often seen worn by Japanese Manga comic characters that he so greatly loved as a child.